Queer Eye for Monday Night Football link
September 10
In terms of fusion, this has East meets West beat by a country mile.
After watching the Bucs smother the Eagles, and the ensuing Sportscenter, I flipped past the Bravo channel. It was as though I had , and stumbled upon the ultimate drinking game.
What to watch: Take in one Monday Night Football game, followed by one episode of Queer Eye For the Straight Guy. If four hours is too much television, switch to Queer Eye at halftime; the diehard football fans can still watch the fourth quarter.
What do drink: Go for maximum irony! Martini's and Mike's Hard Lemonade during the game, chased by American Mega-Brew during QE.
How to play: During the game, everyone drinks when any of these things happen:
A fumble or interception occurs.
A player celebrates after a touchdown, first down, or sack.
John Madden yells "Boom!"
Al Michaels does a Howard Cosell impression.
Madden & Michaels use Madden NFL 2004 to illustrate something
Game break with Lisa Guerrero.
ABC promotes non-sports programming. Drink twice if you watch said programming.
Telestrator is used. Drink twice if it's not football-related.
A ref explains a long and convoluted ruling.
Madden engages in a soliloquiy on some completely offbeat topic.
Other causes for drinking:
If anyone watching says "Are you ready for some football", they finish the bottle.
During an challenged call, all partiers must chug whenever the camera shows the ref's ass.
When the game's over, flip to Queer Eye. Have each person in the room pick one of the Fab Five. You drink when your guy does one of these.
Uses any of the following words:
"edgy"
"hip"
"vintage"
"authentic"
Mentions a product by name.
Touches the straight Guy below the belt.
Jokes about getting with the straight Guy.
Throws something in the trash.
Speaks in a language other than English.
Hits on another member of the Fab Five.
Comments on the Guy's dirty underwear. Drink twice if it's a jock strap.
Claims the Guy will be getting some after the makeover.
Other causes for drinking:
If anyone watching starts humming the Queer Eye theme song, they finish the bottle.
Lightning round: everyone drinks each time a Guy's friend says "wow" or "oh my God!" after seeing his made-over clothes, hair, or apartment.
Le weekend graslink
September 1 Stuck in my head: Sleater-Kinney, "Jenny"
Yes, it's labor day, and I'm working. The cognative dissonance of this fact is not lost of me.
On the plus side, I'm working today because I spent yesterday snowboarding. That's not a misprint; Mt Hood is open year round, save a three week closure in the fall for maintenance. How cool is that! Anyhow, the day started out looking like I had woken up on the wrong side of the bed.
Mt Hood on a summer morning is basically like skiing on a rock, at least until the sun gets going. The shop guy warns me the conditions are recommended for "skiers and advanced snowboarders only". That's not me, but I've been here in the summer before, and I know to wait it out. Don't get me wrong--I'm glad the guy is looking out for my safety. But it was downhill from there.
The shop is out of boards with strap-in bindings. Okay, so having cut my teeth on step-in bindings, I'll manage, but I'll be missing serious bindings as the day goes on.
The liftie checking tickets complains that I've put my sticker on my wrist guard. Instead I've got to get one of those little "wickets" and latch it to my vest. I suppose he's worried I'm going to go up the mountain, take off my wrist guard, and give it to someone else who's going to ski down the mountain and give it to my third friend who will now get in for free. For purposes of this discussion we will politely ignore the fact that on a warm summer day I could comforably do the same thing with my vest. Since in my previous--and only--half dozen snowboard trips I've stuck the sticker on my wrist guard, I've managed to skate by without using one of these contraptions, and when I can't get the wicket on in three seconds, the liftie spouts off that he "doesn't have time to be babysitting". It's never fun to have a "pro" treat you like some ignorant "rookie", even if you are one. Oh well.
At the second lift, I'm about to step into my board ... when I realize I got a regular-footed board. I ride goofy footed, which means my board is essentially "backwards". Needless to say, idea of getting off the lift headed backwards is not appealing.
Sadly, the Ski Patrol folks don't have a leatherman that can handle the larger-than-life screws holding the bindings in place. But the liftie at the top does! At this point I'm in a half blind panic, frantically twisting the screws out of place ... until the fourth one doesn't budge. Alas, I'm stuck with my feet out of whack.
Despite the drama in the early morning, it turned into a good day once the snow softened up a bit. This just goes to show that once you're going down the mountain, not much else matters. For some reason, it's easier to appreciate free time and hobbies when there's less free time to go around.
Thus today is the latest round between me and our checkin gateway. It's about as fast-paced as watching Steve Trachsel pitch. Yuck.
Last
updated by Nicholas Beaudrot on 11:47 13 February 2005
